Tony Thornburg has made quite a name for himself in modeling over his nearly 20-year career. Whether he’s sporting the latest runway looks by some of the biggest designer brands in the world, including Armani, Esprit, Etro, Brunello Cucinelli, Nirvan Javan, and Yohji Yamamoto; or appearing in the pages of Esquire and GQ, Thornburg’s particular look — intense eyes, sharp nose, sleek mustache and beard — is iconic and instantly unmistakable.

Strange, then, to think there was a time when Thornburg almost gave up modeling entirely. “There were years of my life where I would be awake late at night, staring at myself in the mirror and wondering what I was doing wrong,” says Thornburg. “I realized the problem wasn’t me, I just didn’t know any better.”

In the early 2000s, at the beginning of his career, Thornburg had been invited to Armani’s open casting call for models to participate in Paris Fashion Week. He was one of more than 500 other men, all of them rugged and brawny. Think wide jaws with light stubble, the typical male model look of the 1990s that Armani in particular had become known for.

Thornburg, who is a lean six-foot-two, looked at the horde of nameless faces in front of him. He looked at himself. “What am I even doing here?” Thornburg wondered.

On one hand, he was unique. Back then, European brands generally favored European models (or American models, if you were Ralph Lauren). Being Japanese and Swedish gave Thornburg a distinctive appearance. Except there were so few prominent Asian male models actively working in those days — just himself, Daisuke Ueda, Zhao Lei, HAO, and Jae Yoo — that Thornburg knew “they were only going to pick one of us,” he says, recalling the industry’s attitude towards Asian models at the time.

Gigs were few and far between. But Thornburg was finally doing what he always dreamed of, ever since he was a kid. A 13-year-old boy who mostly stayed at home when he wasn’t attending school at UH Lab, Thornburg grew up playing video games and watching Japanese anime. His favorite was Vampire Hunter D, whose main character was an immortal mixed race vampire known for being powerful, having a slender frame, and good looks.

“It was very unreal because you almost never saw people like that in real life. There was an impressive elegance to how those characters looked and were stylized,” says Thornburg. A couple years later, Thornburg hit puberty late and two things happened: First, he grew a foot taller and girls began taking notice. (“This is weird,” Thornburg remembers thinking.) Second, he realized he resembled some of the anime characters he admired on screen.

One night around midnight, after all his usual TV shows had ended, Thornburg was channel surfing when he discovered Fashiontrance, a reality show that featured clips from (particularly theatrical) European runway shows. He was immediately mesmerized by the models exhibiting extravagant new looks by imaginative designers, such as Alexander McQueen and Jean Paul Gaultier.

“I watched that show every night until I fell asleep,” says Thornburg. “It was like seeing a real-life anime or going to the opera. There were fantastic representations of fantasy and science fiction and everything I was interested in. I thought, those people are doing this. Maybe I could too.”

Thornburg wanted to pursue a career as a model straight out of high school even though he didn’t know how. This was a time before YouTube tutorials and social media influencers who could offer advice on how to get started. “Growing up in Hawai‘i, there were so few people who knew anything about the global fashion industry. When you’re 18 and say you want to model for a living, nobody believes you because it sounds crazy. How and where are you going to do that?”

Despite his parents’ initial reservations, they knew their son had made it his dream to become a model. Thornburg had worked part-time jobs all throughout high school and while studying acting at Leeward Community College, saving his money to eventually find a way into the fashion industry.

So when Thornburg’s father struck up a conversation with a tennis player on a flight one day — who happened to mention that he had a close friend who was a part-time model in Hong Kong — Thornburg’s father explained his son was serious about becoming a model. The tennis player gave Thornburg’s father his business card and Thornburg got in touch with the Hong Kong model, and his modeling agency. “They offered me a three-month contract. Next thing I know, I’m in Hong Kong.”

Three months turned into six months as Thornburg slowly built his portfolio, made friends, and learned what it took to become a professional model. Some opportunities involved a steep learning curve — for instance, figuring out how to travel between upwards of 14 casting calls a day during fashion week without missing appointments in an unfamiliar city. (In an era before cell phone GPS, printed maps were a lifesaver.)

Other times, it was blind luck. Like the fact that Thornburg’s natural ability to grow a full beard, at a time when beards were fortunately in vogue, helped him stand out from other Asian models who could not.

After Hong Kong, Thornburg moved to New York City and found a permanent agency. He connected with booking agents in Paris and Milan. This led to Thornburg starring in campaigns for legendary designers, including Giorgio Armani, who would go on to cast Thornburg in more than a dozen Armani runway shows over the next decade.

What they don’t tell you about walking a runway, as Thornburg quickly learned, is that they are often terrifying. There’s anticipation and expectation. Everyone is silent. The lights are off, then you walk out and the lights turn on. Sitting in the front row are fashion designers, famous actors, musicians, artists, and what feels like the entire world—including that awkward 13-year-old kid who was once mesmerized by an imaginative world he never previously knew existed.

“The way I envision it is maybe the audience wishes, just briefly, that they could be you commanding the show at that moment. It only lasts 30 seconds but you have to carry that responsibility. You are playing that character,” says Thornburg.

“Always at the start of shows, I remember all those years of sleepless nights waiting for this moment. For someone to give me this chance I have now, and for me to say: I will take this as far as I can go.”